Jack's Strongly Worded Letter
by He's My Gutter Rat
Summary: Jack told Rose he was intending on writing a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about the Titanic sinking. Well here it is.
1. Jack's letter

**Jack's strongly Worded Letter**

**Summary**: Jack told Rose he was intending on writing a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about the Titanic sinking. Well here it is.

**Disclaimer:** James Cameron owns the Titanic Movie version and characters involving said movie. I have no rights or says in that legal stuff.

**Author's note:** Thought I would have a little laugh. Maybe you can too. By the way I mention the World War one in this letter and also the Statue Of Liberty. I'm a huge history buff and I totally respect the Statue Of Liberty and well I don't care much for wars though. Also I have nothing against the White Star Line. Just having a little fun.

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"I don't know about you, but I intend on writing a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this. " Jack Dawson, Titanic

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To: White Star Line

New York City

From: Jack Dawson

Bottom of the ocean. (A few hundred feet from where your stinking 'unsinkable ship' now lays. )

Dear White Star Line,

I write this letter for you today concerning the following date of April 15, 1912. Does that date ring any bell to you? Sure as hell does to me and a lot of other people! April 15, 1912 was the day that your unsinkable ship decided it wanted to take a plunge on the wild side by crashing into an ice berg.

You probably are thinking, hell this isn't my fault! This is the captains fault! And sure, maybe it was the captains fault. There had been some rumors floating around the ship that the captain and some of his crew had actually spent most of their time seeing how far they could spit loogies out the deck and that if they hit some one with said loogie then they scored a double twenty points but hey, probably just rumors huh?

People paid good money to see the Statue Of Liberty. Personally I don't really know why…It's just a freakishly large lady that happens to be green. I mean you can hardly see her boobs so really she's not that much of a sight. Or they immigrated there for a better life.

Hell, there not gonna have any fucking great life in the all mighty America though. Streets paved in gold? Bunch of bull. Actually a few years after you get all settled in to America you soon find out your family men are getting drafted for the war that 'ends all wars.' And someone doesn't have to have a brain to know that 'the war that ends all wars' is also a bunch of bull. Really? The war that ends all wars?! That's like telling me the Titanic is going to sink! Oh wait. . .it did.

Did you know that one thousand, five hundred people were revealed to the icy Atlantic ocean while a good number of your White Star people were rowing boats away. "Nah, forget those drowning people, my arms are getting tired already and it's a long row back."

It really hurt our feelings you know? We were all starting to get half frozen by the time the White Star even considered coming back for us and when they did, we had already given up and were dead.

And when they finally came threw they crashed into our bodies with that damn wooden boat we wished was here ten minuets ago. Real respectful for the dead, aren't ya?

Anyways my point of this letter is. . . I would like a refund for my ticket on board the RMS Titanic. I already bet all my money away when Fabrizio and I were playing poker. So just send me a letter back with a quick apology and a good sum of cash. All you have to do is throw it in the ocean, I'll get it from there. Don't think of backing out just because I didn't really even pay for that ticket on board. I just gave you a list of reason of how you screwed my life. So drop that letter with my money in the ocean by Friday at noon or else!

Oh and also can you contact a Rose Dawson and tell her Jack Dawson was hallucinating when he told her she should honor him by staying alive and dieing warm in a bed. I'm getting a little lonesome with Fabrizio always sucking faces with Helga so it would kind of be nice if Rose came down to the underwater Titanic too.

Eat shit White Star,

Jack Dawson

**Reviews are better than letters from Jack Dawson! Leave one!**


	2. White Star Line's reply

To: Jack Dawson

Sent to: Bottom of the ocean

From: White Star Line

Sent From: New York City

Side note for Mr. Dawson - Inside this envelope your wish has been granted for a small fortune of cash. In our surprise and highly educational knowledge that the letter we received may be a scam and a phony letter we have not given you your actual total for your passage along the RMS Titanic.

White Star Line has checked their policies and have not found any customer who has bought a ticket by the name of Dawson Jack. As your letter explains we are well aware of the fact that you got hold of your ticket abroad the RMS Titanic by a game of poker. As White Star Line stated in the beginning of this paragraph, we have checked our policies and have found nothing in there about giving back refunds for people who have not paid for there ticket.

Perhaps if you bring in the man who had originally planned to sail on Titanic with that ticket then we will be able to refund you fully. Make sure this man has a receipt and identification.

Now I shall refer to some of your statements in the letter we have gotten from you. Let's start with the first paragraph you have written to us concerning the sinking of the RMS Titanic. Your quote: 'Does the date April 15, 1912 ring a bell to you?' Why yes, it does. It was a very horrible tragedy and if we could go back in time, of course we would add more boats to the deck so that more people could be saved. The Titanic sinking made a huge dent in our name. No longer did anyone want to sail the sea's with White Star Line for a while afterwards.

Now to address the second paragraph. You say, quote, "You are probably thinking that this is none of your fault." To respond to that I would say that White Star Line does believe it wasn't there fault. If we would place it anywhere we would point our fat fingers at the craftsmen of this ship or to the captain which you also pointed out in the sentences to come.

Mr. Jack Dawson you are not the first to say that they saw the captain and his crew spend more time spitting spit wads off the side of the ship than actually pay attention to where they were going. We have no evidence of this actually taking place. Do not bring this up again because I will repeat myself again. No one has any evidence that they did these actions and for that we are incredibly thankful. Our name can only take so much crap, you know?

Back to professional matters. We come to your third paragraph concerning the Statue of Liberty. White Star Line has no say in how big the size of her boobs are or the fact that she is the color green. White Star Line would like to apologize profoundly for the fact that you did not end up docking in New York City like planned. Like we said before, it was a very tragic fiasco and if we had a time machine then we would fix this mess.

Now onward to the fourth paragraph. The viewers of this letter have noticed that you are venting your anger out in this paragraph. We see that you are bitter about the continuing history of the United States but would like to remind you that that matter is out of our control. At least we did something right though, right? You could have died fighting in war but instead you died on our ship. That's kind of a plus, right? Ending this discussion before I make a even more fool out of White Star Line.

To paragraph six we go! We thank you for the knowledge of telling us that one thousand, five hundred people died during our ships sinking. We originally only thought it was one thousand and four hundred. It's good to know that at least one hundred people had skipped secretary and found away aboard our ship. We have updated our security on our latest ships do to this knowledge.

Since you told us that the White Star Line employees that were rowing the boats showed no compassions towards the dead we have decided to question one of the men that rowed one of the boats. We asked him why he showed no compassion for the dead and he replied by saying it wasn't in the requirements as an officer. Thanks to you pointing it out, White Star Line has now added that into the requirements. We thank you sincerely.

Now we are skipping the part of the letter where you ask for money. We have already addressed this matter at the top of White Star Lines reply to you.

Down to the part where you have asked us to bring a Rose Dawson to you. We have pondered this part of the letter very much and have come to the conclusion that we would contact her and then see what she wants to do. Here is a copy of the telegram conversation.

White Star Line: Rose Dawson, we have received a message from the dead saying a Jack Dawson, a passenger from the RMS Titanic wishes for you to come join him in the under water Titanic. We have no clue if you do or do not believe in paranormal activity but have sent the message just incase it isn't the latter.

After a while of no reply back White Star Line sent a few of their employees out to fetch her. When we finally found her location we were given the most unfortunate news. Witnesses say that the women had run of a cliff and into the watery depths of the ocean below. We have no proof of the fact that she is reunited with you but we most certainly hope she is.

We hope you accept our most sincere apologizes for what happen to you Mr. Jack Dawson. Spread it around to the other guest staying in the underwater Titanic. Make our conscious clean again will you please?

Sincerely,

White Star Line

Heavy note: This letter will be dropped in the ocean at a quarter past three on the Friday you wished to receive it. If the money or letter is unreadable due to the salty sea or the fact that you somehow never received this message White Star Line is **not **responsible.


End file.
